Pan Pan Goro

8:39 pm 

My hand to the dial and nothing is holding me back. Why then does it seem like visible strings are holding me down to this seat? If this is what will make me happy, why am I struggling to get the dial through? Phone sitting on the desk, thumb making a beat on the desk, my hands to my chin. 

Should I call her?

What if she doesn’t want to hear from me? Has she moved on? What if I am a nuisance? Does she even think of me? Does she still have my number? Does my name still retrieve memories; pull a string,  a chord?

Should I call her?

What if she misses me too? What if she is too proud to call and I am simply helping her out?

Should I call her?

Why do I have to question so many things before I can call her? Why can’t I just call her? Why do doubt and fear make a crossroad at just a dial? Why does this have to be so complicated? Didn’t I mutually agree that this was good for me too then? Was I sane then?

 My hands reach out to my phone. I sighed, distracting myself from the obvious, and looked through the green app. Scrolling through endlessly, my head still stuck with a face.  

I need to talk to her. I need to know how she is doing…

My hands to my dial as I try again what I have done for the past thirty minutes- try to call her!  Exhaling, I dialed her number.

One ring.

Maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe she doesn’t want to hear from me. Did she even save my number? 

Two rings.

Is she at the gallery? Am I calling too late? 

Three-rings

Why did I call anyway!

No answer.

No surprise there! Was she even worth it? Is better we move on anyway. It was for the best.

I went to the green app a pain that my heart had wrapped tightly and snuggly. 

I hope she is doing fine.

10:01 pm

Phone rings and I am asleep

7.00 am 

My phone rings and wakes me from my slumber. With my voice drowsy with sleep, I looked at the number. Her! 

“Hey"

The voice from the other end sound as I remember. She was always and will be an early bird. Something, I guess, will never change

“Hey. Sorry I missed your call yesterday. I was asleep”